Nothing to Hide

Hi, my name is Eli.

WILDE: Hello Eli.

I'm f**king freaking the f**k out--like, what the f**k?

ME: Hey Jeremy.
JEREMY: Hey Eli.
ME: Um, question--
JEREMY: No, I do not have the sheet music to "Something's Coming."
ME: Damn! Second question, whose this Wilde guy?
JEREMY: Wilde? You mean like Wilde's Blog-Wilde?
ME: Yeah. Who writes that?
JEREMY: The same guy whose buried in Grant's Tomb.
ME: So some guy named Grant?
JEREMY: No, Eli, nobody knows. It's like the mystery of the gay community in Rhode Island.
ME: Double damn.
JEREMY: Why do you want to know?
ME: Just curious. Gotta go. Bye.

This isn't good.

WILDE: Hello Eli, this is Wilde. Just thought I'd let you know I have proof that you're a friend of Dorothy.

What the hell does that mean? I don't even know anyone named Dorothy?

WILDE: Since you probably don't know what that means, I'll be clearer. I have proof that you're a big flaming homo.

S**t.

WILDE: I plan on divulging this information in due time. If you decide to come out on your own terms, then you can beat me to the punch. If not...Your private indiscretions are about to become public fodder.

What? Why does this guy have it in for me?

WILDE: Ttfn--Love Wilde.

I wanted to throw my computer across the wall. How does this guy even know me? And how did he get my e-mail address?

I had to find him before he...spread lies about me.

Hopefully there's enough time.