Mardi Gras

Hi, my name is Hank.

RITCHIE: This place is like a halfway house for ghetto twinks in their underwear.

Welcome to Mardi Gras.

Jeremy, Ritchie, and I decided to check it out because...

Well, we're gay. What else is there to do?

Of course, as soon as we got there, I was miserable. The entire night was a reminder of why I'm going to die alone.

I'm not slutty.
I'm not eight pounds.
I'm not coked out of my mind.

ME: This blows.
RITCHIE: And not in a fun way.
ME: Maybe we should have checked out the party at the Token.
RITCHIE: We couldn't, because somebody didn't want to run into their ex-roommate.
JEREMY: No, somebody didn't want to run into their ex-roommate and Joey--together--after he pretty much denounced the two of them.
ME: I thought you and Davis were on good terms.
JEREMY: We are, and I'd like to keep it that way.
RITCHIE: Meanwhile, all the cute Brown boys and the sophisticados are at Token, and we're stuck here at Prisms with the Ho-Down squad.

We gave the place another hour, and then decided to bail. To try salvaging the night, we stopped off at the IHOP for some midnight breakfast.

Ritchie took his own car, so it was just me and Jeremy on the ride there.

ME: I hate it.
JEREMY: What?
ME: You know what.
JEREMY: It's going to be okay, Hank. You're just feeling a little lonely. It happens to everyone.
ME: No really, Jeremy, I hate everything about it. The community. The people. Your roommate. All of it. Nobody finds me attractive.
JEREMY: Cough cough.
ME: Except you.

We arrived at the IHOP a minute later, but before I could get out of the car, Jeremy put his hand on my shoulder.

ME: What's wrong?
JEREMY: Nothing, I just...
ME: What?

He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

JEREMY: Yeah. I figured--

But before he could say anything else, I grabbed him and kissed him full-on.

I wasn't intending for this to go anwhere, and pretty soon we were going to have to go inside or Ritchie would think we bailed on him.

And on top of all of that, I don't think either one of us is actually attracted to the other.

But hey, it's Mardi Gras. Why not go a little crazy?