Stunts for Sweeps

Hi, my name is Ritchie.

BILLY: You're not filming the wedding.
ME: What about just the bachelor party? There will be closeted gay sex happening, right?

I convinced Billy to meet me at the tv studio.

It wasn't easy either.

BILLY: And to think I bought the 'I still have your wallet from when we were stuck in a hostage crisis together' story.
ME: Well I did!
BILLY: And how did that happen?
ME: I stole it from you. I figured it might come in handy.
BILLY: Did you actually think I was going to agree with this.
ME: No, but...

I pulled out my mock poster.

ME: I thought you might agree to this.
BILLY: ARE YOU INSANE?

The poster read--CBQ REUNION!!!

BILLY: Haven't we spent enough time together for the next decade?
ME: It would be a ratings juggernaut. I bet we could beat Ellen.
BILLY: It's not happening, Ritchie. I'm getting married to a woman. I don't want anymore footage of me rehashing my past.
ME: I bet I can change my mind.
BILLY: Great. What are you going to blackmail me with?
ME: Please! Blackmail is for the poor.

I pulled the check out of my desk.

ME: I talk money.

I slid the check across the desk.

BILLY: I'm telling you there's no way I--

He saw the amount.

BILLY: Is this for real?

I smiled.

See?

Everyone loves a reunion.