The Gays Have It

Hi, my name is Jackson.

PAIGE: I think it's a great idea.
ME and JEREMY: You would.

Hank came over and told us about Ritchie's reunion idea.

ADAM: Why not? It'll help sell your next book, Jeremy.
JEREMY: I don't need help selling a book.
ME: Especially since we've all been on CNN since the hostage situation.
PAIGE: I thought we weren't going to talk about that anymore?

Paige has been taking the whole thing pretty hard.

I guess gays are just more resilient when it comes to being tied up.

We were all sitting down for our first family meal in years.

Jeremy had postponed his stay because of Paige, but tomorrow was his last day here.

I had mixed feelings about it.

Our relationship has been strained, but he's still my brother.

JEREMY: Jackson, that shirt makes you look like you have a third nipple instead of a belly button.

Then again...

JEREMY: And we're not doing this reunion. None of us.
ME: Whoa, you can't just declare something like that.
HANK: Yeah, in case it slipped your mind, you've been missing for five years.
JEREMY: I wasn't on a deserted island. I was in upstate New York.
ADAM: As if anybody knows where that is. I'm from the city and I don't even know where it is.
PAIGE: I wish you'd stay.
JEREMY: Paige, we talked about this.
ME: If he wants to go, let him go, but the rest of us are doing the reunion.
JEREMY: No, we're not.

I stood up.

ME: Yes, we are.

He stood up.

JEREMY: No, you're not.

Adam stood up.

ADAM: I--would like more chicken.
HANK: I would too.
PAIGE: I want to hear the fight.
HANK: Paige!
PAIGE: Ugh, fine.

They left us alone.

ME: If you want to have a say in what this family does, you have to stay a part of it. Not go rushing back to whatever it is you were doing while you were gone.
JEREMY: When I'm here, bad stuff happens.
ME: In case you haven't noticed, bad stuff seems to happen regardless of if you're here or not.
JEREMY: But I can't live my life with this much drama anymore.
ME: Maybe that's the price you have to pay for being close to your brother and sister. Everybody come back in!

Once they were in, I made my own declaration.

ME: We put it to a vote. Majority rules. Do we do the reunion?

To my surprise, everybody's hand went up.

Even Jeremy's.

JEREMY: Looks like I'm staying a little longer than I thought.

Now let's hope he's wrong about bringing about disaster.

At least we're all in front of the cameras.