The One-Eyed Man

Hi, my name is Adam.

JEREMY: I don't know if I feel comfortable being out right now.
ME: How do you think I feel? I'm the actual celebrity here.

Jeremy and I went out for our last night in Providence. Since Prisms wasn't an option, we went to this new place called Grapevine.

ME: You can always tell what city you're in by how tacky the bar names are.
JEREMY: At least we didn't wind up at Oregano.
ME: Or Hangnail.

Everybody kept looking at us while we were sitting at the bar. The only way I allow that is if the person doing the staring eventually gives me his phone number.

ME: Thank God we don't live here. I couldn't take all this notoriety.
JEREMY: I thought you loved notoriety?
ME: No, I love fame. There's a difference.
JEREMY: What's the difference?
ME: It's whatever differentiates Kate Winslet from any Bravo reality star.
JEREMY: By the way, Logo called. They want us to be on the A-List Providence.
ME: REALLY?
JEREMY: No.
ME: You're cruel.

Finally, one of the starers came over.

ME: If he asks why my hair looked awful on the news, I'm going to punch him. I was in an explosion for--
GUY: I'm sorry to do this, but I am such a fan.

Fan?

He said 'fan?'

GUY: I love the CBQ's. Like, I'm obsessed with them, and to see you two guys here is just--Oh my God, I can't believe you're in Providence! This is amazing!

The guy was gushing. And I haven't seen that since Thanksgiving weekend in Brooklyn.

GUY: Can I go get my friends? They'd love to meet you guys.

I looked over to where his friends were sitting, and there wasn't a bad-looking one in the bunch.

He went off to get them, and I noticed Jeremy giving me a look.

ME: What?
JEREMY: Don't get used to this.
ME: Used to what?
JEREMY: Being the toast of the town. We're going back to New York. You can be fancy and famous there.
ME: But nobody in New York's impressed by me! I'd have to actually do something for people there to care about who I am.
JEREMY: You're a Broadway star!
ME: Yeah, and how far do you think that gets you when Boyd Gaines is sitting at the next table over?
JEREMY: Let's get one thing straight, I'm going home bright and early tomorrow morning with or without you.
ME: Oh, stop. You know I'm going with you.

...Tomorrow.

But as for tonight...

Who says I can't leave town with a bang?