The Talk Show Host

Hi, my name is--

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen--

Say it with me now.

ANNOUNCER: Ritchie!

One hundred episodes goes by so fast.

KATE: You okay?
ME: I can't believe I've done this a hundred times.
KATE: You're a pro. This is going to be a great one.
ME: One hundred isn't even that big a deal in the talk show world. Five hundred is the milestone.
KATE: So I'll see you at five hundred then.
ME: If I live that long.

I walk out onstage, and the crowd erupts.

I'm a gay icon after all.

ME: Hey Everybody, welcome to our live 100th show! I--

That was when the monitors cut out.

ME: Uh, sorry, everybody. I guess we've having technical difficulties.

I knew filming a show live on a Friday night was a bad idea. Who would be watching anyway? This special was an awful idea.

The producers talked me into it. They said people would watch because I'm number one in daytime, but just means I'm number eighty-seven in primetime.

Becoming a talk show host was not the plan.

Kate rushed onstage.

ME: Did somebody knock over a camera or something?
KATE: Uh, we have an issue that we need to address.
ME: Now?
KATE: You wanted to do more hard-hitting reporting, right?

Just like the old days.

ME: Absolutely.
KATE: You're going to get your chance. There's been a shooting at the Miracle Ball.
ME: At Prisms?
KATE: We've got the van ready. You interested in going back to your old stomping grounds?

A shooter? A gay club? The biggest LGBT event of the year?

ME: Send the audience home. We're taking the show on the road.
KATE: You got it, boss.

This might just be a milestone episode after all.