Monday, January 23, 2012

Someone Call Bravo

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

GUNMAN: EVERYBODY OUT!

Ten hours ago, I was making quiche for a dinner party.

JOEY: Jeremy, can you hold my hand.
ME: Sure, Joey.
HANK: Can you stand in front of me?
ME: Not funny.
HANK: Not kidding.

As the hostages ran out the open doors, the CBQ's got hustled into a corner by the gun-wielding maniac. He even made Ritchie surrender his camera.

GUNMAN: You won't be needing that. We're all set here.
RITCHIE: Set like you're going to kill us?
GUNMAN: Hahaha, oh Ritchie.
RITCHIE: Is that a yes?
GUNMAN: By the way--

He pointed to Tony.

GUNMAN: Who's that guy?
TONY: I'm Eli.
GUNMAN: No, you're not.
ADAM: So much for that plan.
GUNMAN: I'll be right back.

He went back to the doors to lock us in again.

LIAM: I shouldn't even be here. I never even got to narrate an episode on that stupid tv show.
NATHAN: Everybody just stay calm. I have a plan.
BEN: Really? YOU have a plan?
NATHAN: Don't sound so shocked.
BILLY: Nathan, don't do anything stupid.
ADAM: In which case, just don't do anything.
JOEY: I don't see Jackson or Paige.
VOICE: That's because--

The gunman had cleared out the room. Now his full attention was on us.

GUNMAN: They're upstairs prepping for the show.
JEREMY: What show?
GUNMAN: Haven't you guessed?

That's when it hit me.

GUNMAN: The live reunion show!

We were going on air.

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