Hank the Housewife

Hi, my name is Hank.

DAVIS: Hank! I need my soup!

That's my husband.

He's been recuperating from his treatment, and somehow I got wrangled into taking care of him.

ME: Isn't it enough that our fake marriage is giving you healthcare? Now I have to tend to you as well?
DAVIS: I would have Jeremy do it, but he's been acting weird lately.
ME: That's because he's turned into a hot mess.

Jeremy's been drinking--a lot. Then recently he showed up at a Starbucks with Davis and knocked Ritchie out.

ME: And you apparently got involved?
DAVIS: I just prevented that little bitch Billy from getting involved.
ME: Yeah, why should he interfere. Jeremy was only trying to murder his boyfriend.
DAVIS: Those two deserve each other. Oh Hank, I wanted crackers mixed into the soup, not on top of the soup.

I grabbed a handful of the crackers, pushed them into the soup with my fingers, and smiled.

DAVIS: You know I'm supposed to avoid contact with germs, right?
ME: You know my hands are cleaner than almost everybody you've slept with, right?
DAVIS: Love you.
ME: Love you too!

The funny thing is--I do.

Ever since I started working for Davis last year at his club, I developed strong feelings for him.

To be honest, I wasn't all that upset when he proposed. I was hoping if we started living together, maybe...

DAVIS: We should go down to the club tonight and make sure they're ready for the party tomorrow.
ME: Party? Davis, there's going to be a blizzard. Nobody's going anywhere.
DAVIS: I guess you didn't get the e-mail blast.

That was when my phone vibrated.

MESSAGE FROM DAVIS: Join us tomorrow night for a BLIZZARD BLAST!

Leave it to Davis to turn a State of Emergency into a promotional opportunity.

ME: You do realize if this works, every gay guy in Rhode Island will be trapped together under one roof with nothing but alcohol and bitterness for hours?

Davis smiled.

DAVIS: Now that's a party.

Little does he know he's not going.

Doctor's orders.

(Doctor meaning me.)