Extended Family

Hi, my name is Davis.

JOAN: Our first family dinner!

Can someone please explain to me how I wound up related to this woman?

HANK: Jeremy, you and I are finally siblings.
JEREMY: Hank, even if Paige and Davis really are siblings--
JOAN: They are, darling.
JACKSON: It still wouldn't change anything aside from who Paige borrows money from.
JEREMY: Exactly.
PAIGE: Aw, I miss you guys already.

Joan was serving the meal at Jeremy and Jackson's place. I couldn't eat much since the treatment makes my stomach send back everything I try serving it, but I have to admit, it was a little nice being around a family. Even a really screwed up one.

ME: Thanks for having us to dinner.
JEREMY: Davis, you can come to dinner here anytime you want.
JACKSON: When it isn't being thrown around the room at whomever says something dumb.
JOAN: That was one time!

Jeremy slammed his hands down on the table.

JACKSON: And it begins.
JEREMY: This is ridiculous.
JACKSON: It's like our seder.
JEREMY: Mom, Davis is not Paige's brother.
JOAN: Darling, I know this must be hard for you.
JEREMY: No, it's not. Because it's not true. Paige may not be our sister, but there is no way--even in a state this small--that she is the sister of my best friend.
PAIGE: But Jeremy, think how much fun that would be!
JEREMY: That's just it, Paige. Think about the way our lives work. Does anything ever happen for the best? If you're someone else's sister, that means you're the sister of somebody that none of us would approve of.

Jeremy has a point.

HANK: Joan, maybe if you told us how this all--
JOAN: Davis' parents gave up Paige for adoption and then they died and we all lived happily ever after. End of story.
JACKSON: That's nearly as plausible as the story of how Mom's not an alcoholic.

That was when the first dinner roll went flying.

JOAN: Let's exercise the family tradition of eating in silence, shall we?

But I couldn't eat. I couldn't even think. Suddenly everything was becoming blurry.

JEREMY: Davis, are you--

I was already falling off my chair.

Luckily, I think this family has 9-1-1 on speed dial.