The Look on Your Face

Hi, my name is Ben.

DAVIS: So am I your birthday present?
ME: That depends. Did you keep the receipt?
DAVIS: Just open the door, Cubby.

Jeremy called me an hour ago. We were supposed to go out for my birthday, but he said he was feeling sick, so I feigned disappointment and told him to stay home.

I wouldn't have minded going out to dinner, but I was getting the feeling that it was going to 'our first time,' and I wasn't so sure I could handle romantic sex after all the great no-feelings-involved sex I'd been having with Davis.

So I texted my other man, and had him meet me at my apartment after I got out of my evening class.

Once the door to my apartment was open, I grabbed Davis and threw him on the ground--kicking the door shut behind me.

My tongue was in his mouth before I noticed the sounds of whispering, and the lights flipped on.

ALL: SURPRISE!

I knew I shouldn't have given Jeremy my key so soon.

He was standing with the rest of the CBQ's in a giant clump--wearing party hats and holding a cake with my name on it.

JACKSON: You boys really should rethink throwing surprise parties.

Davis slowly started buttoning his shirt. I looked over at Billy and saw that he was trying to hold back tears. Jeremy was just shaking his head.

CARTER: What were you guys doing?
HANK: They were doing what you're usually doing, Carter. Destroying people's lives.
ELI: Ben and Davis? What's next? Hank and someone attractive?
HANK: Eat it, Eli.
BILLY: I don't believe this.
DAVIS: Sorry, kid, but I mean...
JEREMY: He means 'What did you expect?'
NATHAN: Ben strikes again.
ME: Shut up, Nathan.
RITCHIE: Does this mean we can't eat the cake?
JEREMY: No. I think Ben and Davis should take it.

With that, he walked over to me, and shoved the cake in my face. Half of it came sliding down my shirt, and that was the half that he grabbed and--

DAVIS: Jeremy, this is a new shirt.
JEREMY: Hope you know a good dry-cleaner.

WHAM! Right on Davis.

As soon as I got the cake off my face, I realized that someone was missing.

ME: Where's Billy?

JACKSON: He went into the kitchen to get a knife.
ME: That's not funny.

That was when Billy came out with the knife.

JACKSON: Who was being funny?

I started taking steps backward.

ME: Billy, calm down.
BILLY: Once again, you've ruined my life.
HANK: Don't forget. Davis helped too.
DAVIS: Shut up, Hank!
BILLY: You've pushed me too far, Ben.
ME: You wouldn't really hurt me, would you?
BILLY: Are you forgetting that I pushed you in front of a moving vehicle?
JACKSON: Ben, I would run now.

I took off as fast as I could go, realizing I might not be able to go back for awhile.