Nobody Leaves That Bathroom Twice

Hi, my name is Hank.

ME: Ahhhhhh!!!

That's the sound of me breaking down a bathroom door.

After two days being stuck in there with nothing but tap water and crush potato chip bags slipped under the door, I was completely out of my mind.

The fact that my body was now drug-free was merely a side note.

Davis had locked me in the bathroom as punishment for feeding him placebos and nearly killing him. I suppose fair is fair, but that didn't make me any less angry, especially since he'd forgotten to feed me today.

ME: DAVIS!!!

That was when my phone rang.

ME: Hello?
DAVIS: Hey hubby.
ME: I'm going to rip your genital hair off and make you wear it as a goatee.
DAVIS: Now's not the time to get all flirty.
ME: Davis--
DAVIS: I'm at the hospital with Jeremy.

That instantly shut me up.

ME: Is it Joan?
DAVIS: No, it's him. He had to go to the e.r. with alcohol poisoning.
ME: Is he okay?
DAVIS: He will be, but it was touch and go there, and two near-death experiences in under a year might be too much for him.
ME: I'm on my way.
DAVIS: Take a cab. I borrowed your car.
ME: You're lucky you're at a hospital, because I'm going to kill you when I get there.
DAVIS: Remember, I'm still in a wheelchair.
ME: Hey wait a second, what bathroom have you been using?
DAVIS: The guy across the hall. He's cute and he has a jacuzzi tub.

Ah, love and marriage.