It's Funny Because It's Cruel and Heartless

Hi, my name is Joey.

PATRICK: I'm kind of done with you.

This has never happened to me before.

ME: I don't understand.
PATRICK: It's over, Jo Jo. Time to move on.
ME: But it's Valentine's Day.
PATRICK: I'm aware.
ME: And we're at a restaurant eating a romantic dinner.
PATRICK: Also aware.
ME: And I just paid.
PATRICK: And thanks.
ME: And you're breaking up with me.
PATRICK: Right.
ME: But I'm Joey.

I'm so confused.

PATRICK: You know, I'm young and stuff. I don't want to be tied down.

I know this speech. I've given this speech to so many guys. Does that mean I've made tons of guys feel this bad?

ME: At least you're not cheating on me.
PATRICK: No, but I am really interested in someone.
ME: Who?
PATRICK: Billy.

I knew this would happen. I could tell from the way they were giggling with each other in the baritone section yesterday at rehearsal.

ME: But he's with Jonathan.
PATRICK: Yeah, but not for long. Keep that between you and me, okay?
ME: Sure.

...As I'm texting the Wilde Blog underneath the table.

PATRICK: I hope we can still be friends.
ME: Well, we kind of have to be, we still go to school together.
PATRICK: Exactly. That's why I'm not deleting your number or defriending you on Facebook. Cool for you, right?
ME: Uh...sure.

He left after that to go out with friends, while I sat at the restaurant bar getting drunker.

Finally, I made the call.

ME: Hey Adam...it's Joey...what are you doing right now?

Happy Valentine's Day.