Meet the Burrows

Hi, my name is Nathan.

PAIGE: This is so exciting!

This is a nightmare.

Paige wanted to meet her biological family, so I arranged for a family dinner.

ME: Paige, it's pretty much the same family you have now. My mom's single. She gave you up because your father was a soldier who died in some sort of accident.
PAIGE: Oh how tragic!
ME: And you have another brother.
PAIGE: Gay?
ME: I'm not sure there's a word for what Nolan is.

Normally, my little brother would be out of town on business. He's a--I kid you not--cosmetics salesman, who recently got his own line.

Nolan Cosmetics is already the third highest grossing cosmetics company in the country.

I was hoping that much responsibility would stabilize him, but giving him so much money has only made Nolan more out of control.

Luckily for everybody, he was in Providence the weekend I set up dinner with Paige.

NOLAN: Well if it isn't the newest addition to the family! Then again, maybe 'new' is too strong a word--
ME: Best behavior, Nolan.
PAIGE: Oh please, don't. It's like finding out I have Jackson as a brother all over again.

Mom was in the kitchen when we arrived.

ME: Mom?
MOM: She's here?
ME: Yeah.
MOM: I hope she likes bacon-wrapped scallops.
ME: Mom, anything wrapped in bacon is pretty much a win.

She gave me a big hug.

MOM: I'm nervous.
ME: Don't be. She's going to love you.
MOM: After what I did?
ME: You gave her up because you weren't sure you could raise three kids on your own. You wanted her to have a better life.
MOM: Did she?
VOICE: It depends what you mean by 'better.'

We turned around to see Paige standing in the kitchen. With her so close to my mom, the resemblance was more than clear.

MOM: Hello Paige.
PAIGE: Hi.

It seemed like Mom couldn't help herself any more. She ran over and gave Paige a big hug. Paige seemed shocked.

PAIGE: Sorry. We just don't really...hug...where I'm from.

I felt someone tugging at my sleeve. Nolan had wandered into the room.

NOLAN: Nathan, could I speak to you for a second?
ME: Are you going to try and get me to switch my lipstick brand? Because I'll have you know I'm very attached.
NOLAN: Very funny.

Uh oh.

We went into the downstairs bathroom while Mom and Paige chatted.

NOLAN: Nathan, I have stayed out of your life for almost four years. I don't go to clubs in Providence. I haven't asked to meet your friends. I'm not even sure what school you go to.
ME: Wow, you're really gunning for Brother of the Year, aren't you?
NOLAN: The point is--I haven't interfered. And now this--
ME: Nolan, I brought our sister back into our lives. I thought you would want that.
NOLAN: I am on the verge of taking the number two spot in this country in eye shadow and you give my competitors a family scandal?
ME: What scandal? This is all going fine.
NOLAN: This is poised to blow up in our faces.
ME: Well, if it does, it does. There's no going back now.

Something about Nolan's facial expression told me that he wasn't so sure about that.

But c'mon, you can't undo something like this.

Can you?

NOLAN: Just remember that if I have to clean up your mess, I'm going to do it my way--and you might not like it.
ME: Nolan, I realize you haven't actually gotten to know Paige, but she's been raised by people a lot tougher than you. I wouldn't mess with her.

Just then the bathroom door opened, and there was the newest mother/daughter team.

MOM: Boys! Dinner's ready!

Nolan put on his best smile, but behind those eyes, I could already see the wheels turning.