Never Have I Ever

Hi, my name is Jackson.

ME: Let's play a little game.

I'm about to start some shit.

JEREMY: Absolutely not.
ME: Why?
JEREMY: Jackson, the last game you played got you thrown out of your first college.
ELI: Oh, lighten up, Jeremy. We have to do something to kill time.

We'd spent all day cleaning out Davis' cabin. Everything got a full make-over except one of the guest rooms upstairs. I heard what sounded like raccoons mating in it, and I decided to just surrender that little love shack to nature.

DAVIS: Hey Carter and Ritchie, where you were you guys this afternoon?
CARTER: In the guest room upstairs.

I'd have preferred walking in on raccoons.

ELI: So what game are we playing?
ME: Never Have I Ever.
DAVIS: No way. I'm not playing that.
ME: Why not?
DAVIS: Because it's no fun. I always win.
ME: The point isn't to win. The point is to get drunk.
DAVIS: And find out secrets.
RITCHIE: I'm in!
HANK: This is going to end badly.

We all got in a circle.

ME: I'll go first.
DAVIS: That's usually how it happens.
ME: I'll ignore that. Never have I ever...
HANK: Already this game is getting difficult.
ME: ...Had a threeway.

Ritchie, Joey, Carter, Davis, and Eli took a drink.

Billy looked over at Ben.

BILLY: Ben?
BEN: Yes?
BILLY: I believe you've earned yourself a drink.
BEN: I wouldn't consider that a threeway.
NATHAN: I very much considered it a threeway.
BEN: I--
NATHAN and BILLY: Drink.

Next up was Ritchie.

RITCHIE: Never have I ever gone shirtless at Prisms.

Carter, Eli, Joey, and I took a drink.

JEREMY: You've totally gone shirtless at Prisms.
RITCHIE: Oops, looks like I gotta drink.

Then came Carter.

CARTER: Never have I ever moved in with anybody I was dating.

Joey drank. Nobody else.

ME: Um...Billy?
BILLY: Yeah.
ME: Don't you think you should take a drink?
BILLY: Why?
ME: You wouldn't say you're living with us?
BILLY: No.
JEREMY: Jackson, it's not like he moved any of his stuff in.
DAVIS: Living with someone is just being there all the time.
BILLY: That is not living with someone.
DAVIS: Yes, it is.
JEREMY: If that was living with someone, then you were living with Travis.
NATHAN: Billy, just take the drink. It's only Sprite anyway.
BILLY: No! I'm not living with Jeremy so I'm not drinking!

Silence.

ME: Okay...moving on.

Eli raised his hand.

ME: You don't have to do that, Eli. Just--
ELI: Never have I ever fooled around in the Fishbowl.
JOEY: Me again? Awww...
CARTER: I'm right with you, Joey.
HANK: You should be. You were probably the one doing it with him.

Luckily for Joey, he was next.

JOEY: Never have I ever fallen in love at first sight.
HANK: Usually he waits for them to take off their wigs.

Jeremy took a drink.

ME: How's the Sprite?
JEREMY: Fantastic.
BILLY: Who was the lucky guy?
ME: I'm looking at him.

He gave Billy a kiss.

ME: Barf. Next?

That meant Hank.

HANK: Never have I ever faked my own death.

Joey and Eli took a drink.

NATHAN: It's really sad that we have two people who can say they've done that.
BEN: Yeah, faking death isn't your thing. Just disabilities.

Then Billy--

BILLY: Never have I ever gotten drunk.

Everybody but Jeremy took a drink.

CARTER: That's irony, isn't it?
RITCHIE: Have another drink, Carter.

Then Jeremy--

JEREMY: Never have I ever been in an open relationship.

Ben and Nathan looked at each other, then took a drink.

BILLY: WHAT?
BEN: It's not like we're in it anymore!
RITCHIE: This is the best game ever.
DAVIS: Define 'relationship.'
ME: Davis, it's like when you've cheated on people, except both parties are doing it.
DAVIS: Alright, smartass. My turn. Never have I ever tried sleeping with somebody my brother liked just because he liked him.

Son-of-a-bitch.

ME: Fine.

I downed the entire drink, then threw the glass across the room.

ME: Ben, you're next.
JEREMY: Why don't we just--
ME: BEN-IS-NEXT.
BEN: Okay! Never have I ever--I don't know--
HANK: Just pick something stupid like--Never have I ever killed somebody.
BEN: Uhhh...how about eating sushi? I've never eaten sushi.
RITCHIE: Lame.

Joey took a drink.

BILLY: Joey, you've eaten sushi?
JOEY: Does it matter?

Finally, we came to the end. I was still fuming over Davis' remark. He was going to pay for that.

NATHAN: Okay. Never have I ever slept with Davis.

Joey, Ben, Ritchie, and Billy each took a drink.

HANK: Jeremy?
JEREMY: Davis and I never slept together.
NATHAN: Oh come on. You guys dated.
JEREMY: Yeah, but we never--got that far.
DAVIS: One of us wanted to wait--to make it...special.
CARTER: Aww, Jeremy's a softie.
JEREMY: He wasn't talking about me.

I looked at my brother, and saw this little glimmer in his eye. Then I looked at Davis and saw the same glimmer in his.

Apparently there was some unfinished business there between the dynamic duo.

Then I saw Billy's eyes and--

BILLY: Okay, we're done.

Game over.