The Nasty Break

Hi, my name is Hank.

DAVIS: I have a proposition for you.
ME: Does it involve a noose and a shaky chair?

Ever since I found out that my ex-boyfriend's mother fixed me up with a male escort, I've been feeling a little low.

So when Davis asked me to meet him at his apartment and wear something nice; I figured my luck was over. Everybody wants to shack up with John Davis, and a little fling would be just what I needed to bump my spirits.

DAVIS: I want you to seduce my boyfriend.

So much for bumping--of any kind.

ME: I'm leaving.
DAVIS: Hear me out!

I should have known I wasn't going to have sex when Davis answered the door in a button-down. That many buttons indicates no desire to get naked quickly.

DAVIS: Hank, my boyfriend is a rich, powerful, and handsome guy.
ME: Then why do you want me to sleep with him?
DAVIS: Because I'm scared he's going to smother me in my sleep.
ME: Annnnd we're done.
DAVIS: Look, let's break this down. You're single. You're depressed. You have no goals.
ME: About that noose--
DAVIS: Travis and you would be a good fit. You wouldn't get him angry like I do.
ME: What do you mean?
DAVIS: Well, for one thing, you wouldn't want to sleep with other people and you don't need to see natural light every day.

The door opened and the man of the hour appeared.

TRAVIS: Are we having a party?
DAVIS: No, but I did want you to meet my friend, Hank.
TRAVIS: Nice to meet you, Hank.
ME: Ditto. I was just leaving.
TRAVIS: I think that's a good idea.
DAVIS: Travis, Hank is a great guy. You should get to know him.
TRAVIS: Why would I want to get to know my ex-boyfriend's friend?

Silence.

DAVIS: Beg your pardon?
TRAVIS: I did some digging today, Davis, and I found out some things that are...discomforting to me.
DAVIS: Such as?

Things that Davis has done that a boyfriend wouldn't like to know about?

That would be one long list.

TRAVIS: Instigating orgies for personal gain, derailing an entire gay organization, sleeping with everyone and anyone--
ME: Sounds like you, Davis.
DAVIS: How do you know about all this?
TRAVIS: That Wilde Blog.

Oh boy.

TRAVIS: It's a damn good read.

I started to inch towards the door.

TRAVIS: You made a fool out of me.
DAVIS: You knew what you were getting into when we started dating.
TRAVIS: I know that I just swam in a dirty pool--and now I have to clean myself off.
ME: I'm a little lost with that metaphor.
TRAVIS: I'm going to give you some time to disappear, Davis.
DAVIS: I'm not going anywhere. This is my town.
TRAVIS: You can either walk away--or run. It's up to you.

Davis stepped up to Travis. I'm not sure he even realized I was in the room.

DAVIS: Fuck you, Travis. I wish I'd fucked everyone and anyone on your expensive fucking sheets.

Travis hauled off, and knocked Davis out.

I immediately knelt down to see if he was totally unconscious.

Travis stood over me.

TRAVIS: Get him out of here.

I picked up Davis, and slung him over my shoulder.

TRAVIS: Oh, and when he wakes up--

He smiled.

TRAVIS: Tell him he's a dead man.

That was when I ran.