ME: So do you come here often?
ANTONIO: No, we're only here because God hates us.
ME: Wow, we have something in common.
Joey, Eli, and I had managed to find a little bar on the edge of Dover where we ran into some college kids staying at a local hotel for the American College Theater Festival.
ME: Well, what do you know? College theater majors just ripe for the picking.
ELI: Back off, creepfest. I haven't had a hook-up since I left L.A. I call all these guys.
JOEY: I like the one holding the records.
ME: Joey, that's a jukebox.
JOEY: Maybe I pre-gamed a little too hard.
We sat at a table with these kids from Providence.
Rhode Island is weird like that--it's like the Eerie, Indiana of New England. Rhode Islanders always find each other. You could go to Siberia and chances are you'll run into somebody from Rhode Island.
ME: So what year are you in at RIC, Antonio?
HAYLEY: Did you tell him that's what your name is?
ANTONIO: It's my stage name!
JOEY: It's okay. Mine is Joey Jingles.
ME: He wasn't talking about that kind of stage, Joey.
JOEY: Hahaha...what?
VOICE: Hey guys!
We all turned to see Eli getting on a mechanical bull.
ME: This isn't going to end well.
ELI: ELI'S ABOUT TO BUST THIS BULL!
JOEY: Why is Eli riding that jukebox?
ANTONIO: Wait, Eli? And you're Ritchie, right?
ME: Yeah, you know us?
HAYLEY: Um, you guys are on the Wilde Blog ALL THE TIME!
ELI: You mean last year when that psycho got a hold of it?
ANTONIO: No, we mean like--today.
ME: What?
Hayley took out her IPhone and showed us the blog.
WILDE BLOG: ...That's right, kids. The CBQ's are hiding out in Dover. Let's hope whoever they're hiding from doesn't find them. In New Hampshire, nobody can hear you scream.
Oh f**k.
ME: We have to go.
ANTONIO: But I'm up on the bull in a few--
That was when Eli went flying into the table.
ANTONIO: Maybe I'll pass. That bull is rougher than I thought.
But it wasn't the bull that threw Eli into the table.
VOICE: Hello boys.
Joey and I looked over to see Travis standing next to our table with a guy on each side of him--both of whom looked like they were holding something heavy inside their coats.
TRAVIS: Mind telling me where my ex-boyfriend is?
ANTONIO: Man, you OSC boys have some bad break-ups.
This isn't going to end well.
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