Right in the Back

Hi, my name is Eli.

I'm freaking out.

BILLY: Calm down, it's going to be fine.
ME: I'm really nervous.
BILLY: Just take deep breaths.
ME: I've never done anything like this before.
BILLY: You'll be fine.
ME: Thanks for doing this with me. I just feel more comfortable with you.
BILLY: It's okay. Auditioning is always kind of scary.

Billy and I were in the fish bowl going over my monologue. People were coming in and out of the black box talking about how they did and it was driving me nuts.

Hank came in looking pretty shaken.

ME: How'd it go?
HANK: The monologue went great.
ME: So why do you look so upset?
HANK: It was from three different shows. I opened with Hamlet, somewhere in the middle I threw something from Romeo and Juliet, and then I just cried out MacBeth!
BILLY: Isn't that bad luck in a theater?
HANK: Yeah thanks, I wasn't feeling bad enough as it is!

That freshman kid Carter--so annoying, right?--came into the fish bowl with Ritchie and Jeremy.

RITCHIE: How's everybody doing?
ME: It's Suckfest 07 and I'm the main event.
RITCHIE: That good, huh?
JEREMY: I've still got a few more minutes.
BILLY: Carter, aren't you auditioning tonight, too?
CARTER: I was going to, but then when I went to learn my monologue I got distracted.
HANK: By what?
CARTER: Huh?
HANK: What distracted you?
CARTER: From what?
JEREMY: I think that answers our question.

I went back to looking over my monologue, and when I looked up again, Jeremy seemed upset.

ME: What's wrong?

He was looking down at his phone like someone had just told him he'd had a hit put out against him by his brother--Godfather, anyone? Anyone?

JEREMY: Um...I just got a text from...
HANK: You okay?

Before he could say anything, Ben walked in.

BEN: Hey, does anyone have the sheet music to Floyd Collins?

Jeremy lept up, grabbed Ben, and the two of them disappeared up the stairs to where the professors' offices are.

ME: Um...confusion?
HANK: What was that about?
CARTER: Jeremy looked pretty mad.
BILLY: Maybe it was about that text he got.
RITCHIE: Only one way to find out.

Ritchie got up and started to head up the stairs.

ME: Guys, I have to focus or I am not getting in this show.
HANK: I heard they added a dancing role.

S-w-e-e-t.

ME: I'm golden. Let's go.

We all followed after Ritchie, and nearly collided with Joey.

JOEY: What's going on?
HANK: We're spying on some bitches. Get in line.

By the time we made it up the stairs, we could already hear yelling coming from the faculty bathroom.

We all hid behind the corner listening, but you couldn't really make out words.

CARTER: It sounds like they're talking about--
ALL: Sssshh!
HANK: Damn the good insulation in there. I can't hear anything.

As if to answer our prayers, Ben came bolting out of the bathroom, which caused all of us to trip on each other as we tried to make it back down the stairs. Luckily, he didn't get that far before we heard Jeremy stop him.

JEREMY: So that's it? You're just going to walk away?
BEN: What else do you want me to do, Jeremy?
JEREMY: I want you to say you're sorry!
BEN: Sorry for talking to someone? Get a life. Maybe then people will actually like you.

Ben turned the corner, looked at all of us, shook his head, and went downstairs. Jeremy followed after him, but he looked really upset.

RITCHIE: What was that all about?
JEREMY: It was about him talking to--

He cut himself off. It was like he was wrestling with something in his head.

Finally, he decided.

JEREMY: Never mind.

He took off.

JOEY: Jeremy, wait!

Joey and Ritchie went after him.

Then from downstairs--

VOICE: Eli, you're up!

I...Hate...My...Life.