Moving In

Hi, my name is Ben.

I like boys.

This is not something I'm proud of, or even okay with, but at the moment I'm not sure what I can do about it.

Up until this summer I only had a few minor sexual experiences with other guys. That was until I met Taylor, but even that was pretty casual compared to what happened with Victor.

I fell...

I fell hard.

Victor and I did some bad community theater together. He and I were the boys all the girls wanted to do, so of course, we ended up doing each other. Before he left to go back to Fordham, we decided to be exclusive. This promise was followed up by my promise to do everything it took to transfer to Fordham A.S.A.P.

Suddenly I went from being a cool, collected 18-year-old male with girls dying to go out with him (and not succeeding, of course) to a lovestruck idiot filling out F.U. applications and trying to figure out if Victor and I could afford an apartment together off-campus.

Life was great.

Then I went to visit...

It's amazing what three weeks can do to a gay relationship, especially one between two college sophomores. Victor seemed to be already over me, and the truth was:

I wasn't too devastated.

But I was a little worried. I'd always been so in control of my emotions, and now suddenly I was bouncing from one feeling to the next.

I needed someone to confide in, and well, there was really only one option.

JEREMY: So where do you hide all your Bette Midler posters?
ME: Fuck off, Queenie.

Jeremy is the premiere gay at my school. Oh sure, there are others, but they're all in the closet themselves or they're so gay it's impossible to be around them without wanting to smack them. Jeremy isn't exactly Mr. Macho, but he was the best I could do. That's why after my mistake last night he was the first person I called.

Oh right, I forgot to mention--

I slept with Taylor last night.

Things had just gone so awful in New York that as soon as I came back, I wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. The only problem is I haven't technically broken up with Victor yet.

Luckily for me, Jeremy was there to offer advice. He was helping me move back into my dorm at Ocean State College. Initially I hadn't planned on living there long, but if the status of my new relationship was any indication, I might be staying in Rhode Island longer than I want to imagine.

JEREMY: And what would be so bad about that?

We had just finished getting everything I owned into a double suite in Trent Hall. I hadn't met my new roommate yet, but I already had a feeling I was going to miss having a single like I had last year.

ME: I'm just in a really bad place in my life right now. A change would have been nice.
JEREMY: That doesn't make any sense. The change is happening to you right now. You're not in a bad place. You're in a transition phase.

Jeremy has a knack for explaining to you why everything you're feeling is both understandable and irrational. It's both comforting and annoying.

ME: You're saying don't tell Victor what happened?
JEREMY: Not unless you're planning on breaking up with him.
ME: I think that might already be in the cards.
JEREMY: That's not really surprising. First boyfriends don't tend to hang around very long--especially not long distance ones.
ME: It sucks though. I was actually enjoying dating someone.
JEREMY: Believe me, Ben, I know the feeling.

Once my new computer was set up, Jeremy asked if he could check his facebook. I glanced over his shoulder and briefly glimpsed a photo of an incredibly hot guy.

ME: Don't tell me you're using my computer to look at porn.
JEREMY: Nooo...This is actually someone I could, believe it or not, potentially be going out on a date with in the near future.
ME: Really?
JEREMY: Don't sound so shocked.
ME: How did you meet him?
JEREMY: He goes here. He's in the English department. We met in Gay Lit.
ME: That is the...Well, I was going to say that's the gayest story, but I'm assuming you were surrounded by gay stories at the time anyway.
JEREMY: We actually started talking on Children's Hour day. It was either that or discuss Audrey Hepburn as a lesbian, which I have a religious aversion to.
ME: So now you're going to mack it with him?
JEREMY: That's what I'm hoping for, Ben.

Just then the door opened and two freshman came barreling into the room. One was a skinny little black kid with one of those barely there mustaches and the other was a fairly attractive equally skinny white kid, a tad on the pale side.

KID WITH MUSTACHE: Hi, is either one of you my new roommate?

I raised my hand only to see Jeremy raising his, too.

ME: What are you doing?
JEREMY: Oh, sorry.

Jeremy looked a little dazed.

KID WITH MUSTACHE: I'm Carter.
OTHER KID: I'm Billy.
ME: I'm Ben, and this is Jeremy.

Jeremy went to speak, but for some reason, nothing came out. It was pretty clear that he was a little enamored with Billy. What is with it with him? He develops crushes on eight guys a day.

CARTER: I'm going to go help Billy move the rest of the stuff into his room, but after that I can come back and we can chill or something.
ME: Terrific. I love chilling.
CARTER: Yayyy.

He put a long "e" sound somewhere in that "yay," don't ask me how.

Before the two of them left, Billy stopped and asked if Jeremy and I were both theater majors.

JEREMY: Yeah.

Finally, he speaks.

BILLY: Cool. I have a lot of questions about the department. Maybe you guys could help me out with them?
JEREMY: OH MY GOD, THAT WOULD BE GREAT!

It sounded as loud and obnoxious as it looked. I was borderline embarrassed for him. Billy just smirked a little, said--

BILLY: Great.

--And left with Carter.

ME: Wow, you could give lessons in toolishness.
JEREMY: He's the one.
ME: What?
JEREMY: The one. The one I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life. You know how people tell you that you'll know when you see it?
ME: Yeah.
JEREMY: Well, I just saw it, and I know.
ME: Don't be stupid.
JEREMY: I'm being totally serious!

Before I could say anymore Carter popped back into the room.

CARTER: I just wanted to drop my wallet off here. You guys won't steal my money, will you? Just kidding! I'm poor as hell.

He laughed...at his own joke...which wasn't even really a joke.

This was going to be an exciting year.

JEREMY: Carter, um, I was thinking of going to a bar later downtown. Would you and Billy want to join me?
CARTER: What bar?
JEREMY: Um, Prism.
CARTER: Isn't that a gay club?

Carter showed surprising disdain. I could see where this was going, and from the disheartened look on Jeremy's face, I think he could, too.

JEREMY: Yeah, is that a--
CARTER: Billy and I are both straight. Thanks though.

And with that, he was gone.

JEREMY: Perfect. Two more students have now entered Ocean State Closet.
ME: Don't lose hope. You've still got Gay Lit boy.
JEREMY: Yeah, I guess there is that. I'd better get home. Davis will want to rehash his meeting at RI-TRI with me.
ME: Okay. Thanks for all your help.
JEREMY: Your welcome.

I probably should have said something more poignant like "Thanks for all your help--with everything," but I'm not much for the sentimental.

After Jeremy had left, I sat down at my computer and realized he had left his facebook account up with the profile of Gay Lit boy.

I thought about it for a second...

It really wasn't fair that Jeremy could lay claim to all these guys just because he was the only out gay guy at the school. I mean, he should pick one and stick with it. Oh right, most of them wouldn't date him so he has to play the odds a little more.

Well, I should get to play to.

I hit "Add Friend," and before I knew it I had a message in my Inbox.

MESSAGE: Hey Ben, how's it going? Thanks for the add.

I replied back with something, and before I knew it, we had exchanged numbers...

...And a date.

Hey, what can I say? It's been a rough week.