Jeremy in the Morning

Hi, my name is Jeremy.

I live in Providence, Rhode Island in a two-bedroom apartment on the east side of the city with my roommate, Davis.

Many of you may already know Davis.

And by know, I mean, slept with.

Newsday recently reported that four out of five gay men are likely to sleep with Davis before reaching the age of 25. I mention that so when I occasionally refer to what a manwhore my best buddy is, you'll know I'm merely going by statistics.

Still don't believe me? Then take today, for example.

I woke up at around 8am. As is normally the case, I was running about five minutes late. But still, I had to check the Wilde blog to see what the dirt of the day was.

The Wilde blog is sort of like Perez Hilton for gays in Rhode Island. It keeps us up-to-date on who's doing who and what they're doing. Don't ask me how this guy knows all the gossip--nobody knows who he is, just that he goes by the name:

WILDE: Oh, do I have some juice for all of you today! Don't get too excited~but it is of a sexual nature--then again, what isn't? Apparently John Davis was seen leaving the club last night with a boyfriend--not his own, of course. Is the Bad Boy of Providence homewrecking again? Details to follow.

I just love when my roommate makes the morning news.

Davis was in the kitchen already eating his Frosted Flakes when I got out of the shower. He didn't seem any different than he normally does, even though I know he must have read the Wilde blog this morning just like I did.

ME: Morning slut.
DAVIS: Morning prude.
ME: So whose boyfriend did you bring home last night?
DAVIS: None of your business.
ME: I could always google your name and find out that way.
DAVIS: Wilde doesn't know what he's talking about. The boy I brought home last night was nobody's boyfriend, and he left after giving me the worst blowjob I've ever had.
ME: That's funny. Usually Wilde is more accurate than that.
DAVIS: Well, we can't all be me and perfect, now can we?

I grabbed two pop tarts and headed for the door.

ME: Good luck with your meeting tonight.
DAVIS: You mean the attempted assassination?
ME: Don't be so dramatic.

Davis is the Head of RI-TRI, the association that runs all gay-related activities in Rhode Island. Not a month goes by without some ambitious little twink trying to overthrow him, but somehow Davis always seems to hold his position--something he gets lots of practice at, believe me.

ME: What's on the agenda?
DAVIS: They're fighting me on Pride.
ME: Again?
DAVIS: They always fight me on it, and I always win, and then they sulk, and the violins play on.
ME: Go easy on the poor little queers.
DAVIS: I could just walk in there and quote Mommie Dearest.
ME: Don't fuck with me, fellas!
DAVIS: This ain't my first time at the rodeo!

I gave him a hug of support. He may be the most controversial gay icon since Evita, but he's still my best friend.

The elevator doors hadn't even shut yet before I'd gotten a text message from my friend, Ben.

BEN: Call me--ASAP--I'm an idiot. A big one.

Ben has been going through a lot lately. At school, he's still known as a ladies' man. The guy all the girls are interested in dating. Privately, he's a gay guy whose first ever boyfriend just moved to New York City for school. So far, I'm the only person at school--school being Ocean State College--who knows the truth about Ben's sexuality. I was shocked he told me, but also rather touched. I'm not known for being good at keeping secrets, but in this case I plan on being iron clad.

ME: Good morning, Ben.
BEN: Um, I did something stupid.
ME: Stupid like 'got a tattoo that says "I <3 Muscle Men"' stupid or stupid like--
BEN: I slept with Taylor last night.
ME: Oh, that kind of stupid.

Taylor was the first guy Ben had ever done stuff with, but he'd called it quits after he met Victor, the boy currently going to school in New York.

Try to keep all these gays straight if you can, folks.

ME: How did you ever wind up at Taylor's?
BEN: I needed to borrow sheet music from him.
ME: Okay.
BEN: Because I have that audition next week.

Ben is trying to get into the same school as Victor so that their blooming love can continue to...um...bloom.

BEN: And Taylor offered to play out my part for me. That was at eight.
ME: Uh huh.
BEN: I just left there five minutes ago.
ME: So instead of just playing your audition, he played the whole Ring Cycle for you?
BEN: Victor is going to kill me.
ME: Tell me about it. Not five minutes out of the closet and you're already a cheater.
BEN: Don't call me that!
ME: This is why I told you committing to someone when you're still dealing with your sexuality was a bad idea.
BEN: I am not going to be one of those trashy gay guys who sleeps around and has one-night stands all the time!
ME: So what did you tell Taylor?
BEN: That this was just a one-night stand.
ME: Excellent.

At this point, I was in my car, but I suddenly remembered I had left my murse (man-purse) back in the apartment.

ME: Terrific.
BEN: What?
ME: I forgot something in the apartment and I'm already running late.
BEN: Excuse me, we're talking about me here!
ME: We'll talk about you more when I help you move into the dorms today.
BEN: Fine. And don't judge me.
ME: Too late.

The elevator opened on my floor and before I could step out, I was struck by the image of a blast from the past.

ME: Oh...uh...good morning.
JOEY: Morning.

His name is Joey.

We were in the same class together last year before he mysteriously disappeared from school altogether. This left me heartbroken as I was incredibly excited that an actual gay man was in school with me. Davis graduated from college two years ago, and Ben isn't out yet, so the number of actual date-able gays at my school is the single digit--me.

Joey got into the elevator and pressed the down button. I remembered that I was supposed to be getting something from my apartment, but I didn't want to pass up the opportunity to get a few extra seconds in with my lost boy.

I wanted to talk to him so badly. He's the most adorable guy you've ever seen, and up until that point, I don't even think I'd heard his voice. So, I told myself, start a conversation.

Nothing.

Speak! I told myself, speak!

Finally--

JOEY: Are you going down?
ME: Yes!
JOEY: Huh?
ME: I am, actually--going vertically, um, lower.
JOEY: Okay.
ME: Do you...uh...live in the building?
JOEY: Yeah. Just moved in last night.
ME: Me, too. Well, not last night. I've lived here for a few months. I live on the floor you got on at.
JOEY: Oh...so...why didn't you get off?

Damn!

ME: I thought I needed something, but...I didn't...really.
JOEY: Got it. I'm Joey.
ME: I'm Jeremy.

We shook hands. I felt like a fool. Gays weren't meant to shake hands. We're meant to make out on dance floors. That's how we introduce ourselves.

The elevator door opened, and Joey got off. But before he walked away he turned and laughed a little to himself in a cute sort of 'You're a dork but I like you' way. I waited until the elevator door shut before I fainted into a googly-eyed mess onto the floor.

I think I'm in love.