The Happy Couple

Hi, my name is Joey.

Some of you already know me from the other blog I appeared in--

www.thenewrulesofmylife.blogspot.com

Well, now you get to hear things from my side.

I love my boyfriend. He's sweet, funny, and really smart. Before I met Bart, I didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I love him.

So, you're probably wondering, why am I cheating on him?

BART: I picked up those books you needed.
ME: Thanks. You're the best.

We were just coming home. My car's been in the shop so Bart offered to pick me up at work. He's always doing stuff like that, and it's not that I don't appreciate it, but it's hard because of what I'm doing.

I'm sleeping with John Davis.

Now, cheating is never a good thing, but cheating with the man your boyfriend hates the most in the world is another. I feel like I'm dating a Hatfield and sleeping with a McCoy.

So why am I doing it?

I tried explaining it to Davis the other night when we were lying in his bed.

ME: Being with him makes me feel old, and when I'm with you--
DAVIS: You feel young again? I make you hear Irving Berlin?
ME: No.
DAVIS: Cole Porter?
ME: Maybe it's because it's wrong.
DAVIS: So you're into forbidden fruit?
ME: No! At least, I don't think I am. I just know that I like being here with you.
DAVIS: So stay with me then. Who said you had to leave?

And he put his arms around me, and I...

Well, I didn't feel guilty.

Which made me feel guilty.

Except I didn't.

This doesn't make any sense. I realize that.

BART: I'm making us scallops for dinner.
ME: Sounds great.
BART: Are you okay? You've been acting funny.
ME: Just have a lot on my mind. Work, school--

Adultery.

ME: Stuff like that.
BART: You worry too much. You should try to have more fun.
ME: Oh, trust me. I have enough fun.

As we got into the elevator, I kept thinking how wrong it was that Bart was wearing Davis' shirt. I had worn it home by accident, and what could I do? I couldn't say it wasn't mine, even though it was clearly too big for me. I don't actually think I'm really fooling anyone with all these secret meetings. Bart's either naive, in denial, or--if I'm being honest--a little bit of both. Not to mention the fact that's completely consumed by his feud and the RI-TRI meeting where he's going to try and unseat Davis based on moral character. If he knew what I've been up to, he might unseat me as his boyfriend for the same reason.

When the door opened to our floor, there were four people walking into Davis' apartment, and there he was--the pariah himself--showing them in. I immediately tensed up. This was the moment I'd been dreading. Being in the same area as both Davis and Bart. Of course, the fact that they already know and hate each other makes things a lot easier.

DAVIS: Well, if it isn't my neighbor.

It was then that I noticed Bart wasn't saying anything.

DAVIS: Twink got your tongue?
BART: What are Tim and the others doing here?
DAVIS: I invited them over for a little party.
BART: That's a conflict of interest.
DAVIS: It's a free country, Bart.
BART: Is the entire committee here?
DAVIS: Not yet. Kris is still out picking up the booze. And, of course, you won't be joining us. I'd hate for you to compromise your morality, Bart.

I could see that Bart was about to explode, so I decided to diffuse the situation.

ME: Bart, I'm starving.

Being the good boyfriend that he is, he put my needs in front of his building rage.

BART: We will discuss this in the next meeting.
DAVIS: Oh right, the one where they have to decide whether to overthrow me as President. That should be fun. I'll bring the chips and dip.

He went to shut the door, and Bart and I turned around, but then--

DAVIS: Oh Bart?

I knew this was coming.

DAVIS: Love the shirt. I used to have one just like it.

And the door shut behind him.