We Can Work It Out

Hi, my name is Nathan.

ME: I'm transferring...again.

I gathered all the RIC kids together to tell them that I decided to go back to Ocean State College.

Things weren't working out.

You know, what with the dinner party orgies and the possible homicides and all.

VALERIE: But Nathan, you're one of the family now. You can't just leave.
ALEX: The last guy who left wound up in pieces.
ME: You mean emotional, metaphorical pieces?
ALEX: Yeah, let's go with that.

I figured they would be a little averse to me going like this, which is why I called for back-up.

ME: Guys, I want you to meet my friends.

Jackson, Jeremy, and Paige walked into the Little Theater, where I was having my farewell party.

ME: They'll be helping me leave.
KRISTINA: Oh, you're that tranny, Jeremy!
JEREMY: That was a lie.
KRISTINA: A lie? You lied?
JEREMY: Yes, I'm a liar. I am not, however, a tranny.
JAMES: Damn!

Everybody looked at James.

JAMES: I'm just very accepting of people being different...in a sexual way...

Okay, time to go.

ME: Look, this has really been...an experience, but I just don't think I fit in here.
HAYLEY: Do you want to make out before you leave?
ME: I'm going to say 'No.'
PAIGE: I'll make out with you if there any straight boys here it would entice.
ALL: No!
ME: You two making out would just be very, very wrong.

Adi came up to me.

ADI: I'll be sad to see you go.
ME: We were never going to sleep together.
ADI: In that case, who wants to go to Subway with me?

Doug burst into the room.

DOUG: They just posted the cast list for the musical!
ME: Great. Have fun everybody. Jeremy can you--
DOUG: Nathan, you got the lead.

Silence.

ME: You know...maybe I'm being too rash here.
JACKSON: Nathan, what are you--
ME: Back off, Jackson. Didn't you hear him? I have a lead. A LEAD!
JEREMY: These people are insane!
VALERIE: We're mainly slutty.
ME: I'm staying.
PAIGE: Can I transfer here too?

I know, I know, but don't judge me.

I realize that it's better to be a small fish in a--

You know what? Screw the fish.

I'm a lead in a musical.

Life is sweet.