Paige Throws a Party

Hi, my name is Adam.

PAIGE: Happy Birthday!

My birthday was yesterday.

ME: Where's my cake, you dumb bitch?
PAIGE: Um, it's almost ready.
ME: You just put it in the oven, didn't you?
PAIGE: I had to get my nails done!

This is what happens when Paige throws a party.

Jeremy let her back in the apartment so she could have a birthday party for me, but the only signs I see of any festivities are the guests and the one balloon sitting in the middle of the room.

ME: That balloon is lonely--just like me.
JEREMY: Wow, try to keep the joy contained, buttercup.
ME: I'm just mad that Joey's not here.
JEREMY: He's probably not here because he thought Davis was going to be here.
ME: Davis is here?
JEREMY: No, he thought Joey was going to be here.
ME: So neither one of them is here because they thought the other one was going to be here?
JEREMY: This is why the gays have trouble organizing.

There was a crash in the kitchen. Then Paige appeared.

PAIGE: The salsa...yeah...not going to happen tonight.

Shocker.

Carter made his way over to me.

CARTER: Happy birthday, Adam!
ME: Thanks, Carter.
CARTER: Want to make out?
ME: Not really, no.
CARTER: Okay. See you later.

This is my life.

Knock, Knock.

ME: I'll get it.
RITCHIE: Adam, you can't answer the door at your own party.
BILLY: Yeah, let Paige do it.
PAIGE'S VOICE: I'm looking for olive oil!
ELI: What does she need olive oil--
ME: Don't ask.

I opened the door, and there was Joey.

ME: You came?
JOEY: I came.
ME: Why?
JOEY: I've made a decision.
ELI: You're going to stop shopping at Baby Gap?
JOEY: I want to be with you, Adam.
RITCHIE and ME: Really?

Everyone looked at Ritchie.

RITCHIE: Uh, I'm just..uh...wow.

I couldn't believe was I was hearing.

ME: You mean, like, you want to date me?
JOEY: Yes. Like, a lot.

Oh my God.

VOICE: Who wants almost-baked caked?

Paige walked into the room carrying my cake. Then Ritchie took it out of her hands.

RITCHIE: Here, Paige, let me get that.

He walked over to Joey, and pushed it in his face. The cake went sliding down Joey's body and onto the floor.

RITCHIE: Oops.

Then he walked out the door.

CARTER: Wow, Ritchie's gotten really clumsy.

I barely noticed.

I have a boyfriend.

Forget my birthday; it's like Christmas.