Just Another Funeral

Hi, my name is Davis.

ELI: Why do they have the memorial a month after the funeral?
JEREMY: Because nobody remembers the funeral because most of you were drunk.
JACKSON: We had to get through it somehow.
ME: Singing 'American Pie' at the top of your lungs was 'getting through it?'
NATHAN: Ssshh, we're in church.

This is how we're remembering Carter.

BEN: Where's Ritchie?
ME: Maybe he can't bear to show his face.
JEREMY: Davis, knock it off. The gas mane exploding was an accident.
HANK: An accident that happened in HIS club.
ME: Maybe if he hadn't been so preoccupied with shutting me down, he would have noticed all the glaring code violations.

Paige sat down next to us out of breath.

PAIGE: Guys, this is ridiculous. Why can't Adam and Joey sit near us?
ME: Because I hate them.
BEN: Yeah, Adam's annoying.
ELI: Totes.
PAIGE: Totes? I'm sorry--did the kettle just pop its little annoying head up for a second?
JEREMY: Could everybody please stop? This is a memorial mass.
ELI: Chill, Jeremy. It's just another funeral.
PAIGE: Ugh, I hate having to go back and forth. Can I at least have Adam and Joey move up a few pews?
ELI: Ha!

Silence.

ELI: Few pews. It's funny.

That's when we heard the doors of the church fly open.

ME: Ritchie?

He walked down the aisle and stopped at our pew. He looked right at me as he made his announcement.

RITCHIE: Turns out it wasn't a gas mane after all. It looked like a gas mane burst, but that's only because somebody lit a fire in the boiler room.
JACKSON: So that means--
RITCHIE: That means somebody at the club that night is responsible for Carter dying.

He leaned in and looked at me.

RITCHIE: And guess who the main suspect is?

Yup, just another funeral.