Goodbye Bart

Hi, my name is Davis.

RITCHIE: Want to go shower?

I'm living in a hell of my own making.

ME: Sure, why not.
RITCHIE: Just give me five more minutes.
ME: Why do you aways have to sleep in?
RITCHIE: I'm a princess. That's what we do.
ME: Tell you what, princess. If I'm in the shower and out again before you get up; then you can shower at your house. Deal?
RITCHIE: Mmm...

He rolled over and went back to sleep.

The blackmailing should have been over a long time ago, but I still don't want Ritchie to tell Jeremy about Joey and--

ME: Bart?

I had walked out of my bedroom to find Jeremy serving Bart scrambled eggs in my kitchen.

BART: Good morning, Davis.
ME: Um, Jeremy?
JEREMY: Bart came by to tell us he's moving.
ME: Oh...That's so...sad.
BART: I'm going to California. My mom lives there.
ME: And he, like a mature adult, wanted to bury the hatchet before he left.

Bury the hatchet where? In my forehead?

Knock, Knock.

JEREMY: Davis, are you having a morning fling I should know about?
ME: Jeremy, um--

He opened the front door and Joey was standing there.

JEREMY: Oh...Hey Joey.
JOEY: Hey Jer. Davis, I got your note, what's up?
ME: My note?
BART: Actually it was my note. I just signed your name.
JOEY, JEREMY: What?

Then I heard the ominous sound of my bedroom door opening.

RITCHIE: So are we getting lathered up or--Oh!
JOEY: Uh...
ME: Okay, so this is bad.

Bart wiped off his mouth with a napkin and stood.

BART: I just thought before I left I'd show your new boyfriend the man you truly are.
JOEY: Davis, what is he doing here?
ME: He's not my boyfriend.
JEREMY: Wait, which one isn't? What's going on?
BART: Davis has been sleeping with my boy--sorry, ex-boyfriend.
ME: You've been sleeping with Joey?
BART: And he's been sleeping with Ritchie to keep Ritchie from telling his best buddy and roommate.
RITCHIE: How did you--
BART: It was all in the Wilde Blog this morning.
ME: What?

That's impossible. I had those minutes sealed.

BART: Since I'm no longer on the RI-TRI committee, I decided to spill my guts in an e-mail to Mr. Wilde himself...or herself. Whatever.
ME: You little scumbag.
JEREMY: Davis, how could you do this? And Joey--
JOEY: You've been sleeping with someone to keep them quiet?
RITCHIE: Trust me, that's the only way to keep me quiet sometimes...And I'm going now.

He went back into the room and shut the door.

JOEY: I'm out of here. Bart, get the rest of your stuff and leave me the hell alone.

He disappeared.

JEREMY: Thank you for the visit, Bart. I echo Joey's sentiments. Davis...

Please, please, please don't be--

JEREMY: I love you, and you know that, but in moments like these, it makes it really hard to defend you.

He disappeared.

The bedroom door opened.

RITCHIE: Gotta go. Let me know when the drama llama leaves. Ttfn, Bart.
BART: Bye Ritchie.

He disappeared.

ME: Are you happy now?
BART: Ecstatic.

Bart got up and walked to the front door.

BART: Oh, one more thing, someone slashed all your tires.
ME: What?!
BART: Yeah, you might want to look into that. Whoever did it was a nasty little bitch.

And with a smile, he was gone.