Knock, Knock

Hi, my name is Joey.

Knock, knock.

I'm hoping that's not Davis.

DAVIS: It's me.

Ugh.

I let him in, don't ask me why. I promised myself I was going to stay away from him after he and Bart got into a scuffle down the hall. I just have such a hard time staying away from him.

DAVIS: Look, what happened was--
ME: Stupid.
DAVIS: You're right. It was.

This would be where normal people say 'I'm sorry,' but that isn't how Davis operates.

DAVIS: I like you. Seeing Bart and knowing he's with you makes me want to punch him in the neck and/or take a photo of him wearing aqua velvet and post it on the internet.
ME: Aw, that's so sweet. But no! I can't be with you. This is wrong. I promised myself.

Before I could say anymore, he had me up against the counter with his hands around my waist and his face buried in my neck.

...That's sort of where my mind shuts down and my body yells 'Full speed ahead!'

Knock, Knock.

ME: Oh God.
DAVIS: That's right, baby. That's right.
ME: No, no...Someone's here.

Knock, knock.

DAVIS: They'll go away.
ME: What if it's Bart?
DAVIS: Why would Bart knock?
ME: Good point.

Then I remembered that Bart was out at his mom's and wouldn't be back for a few hours. I guess we could just keep--

JEREMY: Joey?

Davis pulled away immediately.

DAVIS: Oh fuck! It's Jeremy.
ME: Get in the bathroom.

He ran into the bathroom and shut the door while I opened the door to the apartment. Jeremy looked pretty frazzled.

JEREMY: Can I come in?
ME: Sure.

ARGH! Why couldn't I just say no?

JEREMY: It's Billy.
ME: Again?
JEREMY: I totally made a fool of myself in front of him, plus now Eli hates me.
ME: Eli?
JEREMY: I sort of implied he was in the closet.
ME: But he is in the closet.
JEREMY: Yeah, but I implied it in front of him.
ME: Oh.
JEREMY: And there was this big awkward moment and now I think Billy thinks I'm a total tool.
ME: But you're really not.
JEREMY: And he looked so cute in his little aardvark costume.
ME: His what?
JEREMY: Hang on, I have to use your bathroom.
ME: What?
JEREMY: Yeah, I'll be right back.

I only knew I couldn't let him go in the bathroom. Davis didn't want him knowing about us and neither did I. I just wasn't sure what to do to stop him.

Don't ask me why this was my first thought.

I grabbed him, spun him around, and kissed him.

It only lasted for about a few seconds, but when he pulled away I could tell he was shocked. But probably not as shocked as I was. I just needed him to not go in the bathroom. Why couldn't I just say ssomething like "The shower has a ferret in it!"

JEREMY: Um...
ME: Yeah.
JEREMY: Did you--
ME: Sorry.
JEREMY: No, I...
ME: But you have a--
JEREMY: I'm aware.
ME: I know.

And then I heard what my heart stop.

The door open.

I shoved Jeremy in the bedroom, and instantly regretted it. Why couldn't he be in the apartment? Davis could but not him. But I had just kissed him, but it was just a decoy, but he didn't know that, and--and--

BART: Hey, I got done early at my Mom's and she wasn't feeling too well so I thought I'd surprise you and come take you out for dinner.
ME: Oh, that'd be great.
BART: I just have to change and shower first.

Bedroom...Bathroom..NO!

ME: Lick me!
BART: What?
ME: Um...now! Here! I want it!
BART: You want to be licked?
ME: And...you know...schtupped!
BART: Who are you? Mel Brooks?
ME: Please!
BART: Joey, just let me--

But before he could say anything I threw him on the ground and started kissing him. He buried his face in my neck much the same way Davis had, which allowed me to look up and Jeremy run out of the bedroom and out the door. A few seconds later, Davis left the bathroom, gestured for "call me" and followed suit.

BART: Babe, your new cologne smells so good.
ME: Oh, thank you...

Let's hope he never wonders why I don't wear it again, since it's Davis' cologne.