Stars Aren't Easy

Hi, my name is Adam.

JOEY: How much longer do I have to stay here?
ME: Until we can find a women's shelter that accepts gay men.

I was having Joey hang out in my dressing room at Ben's theater until we could sort out his thr-ouple situation.

JOEY: Why can't I just stay at your place?
ME: Because then we'll sleep together.
JOEY: No, we won't. I've changed.
ME: Joey, your hand is on my crotch.
JOEY: Oh...sorry.

Knock, knock.

Joey jumped behind the cardboard cut-out of me.

It was my assistant, Tony.

TONY: Ben says they can't get you the frozen glacier water.

This is what happens whenever I start rehearsals for a show.

Somebody tries tackling the dragon.

And then the dragon eats them--and whatever children they may have.

TONY: Do you want me to get your scary red cape?
ME: Not necessary...yet.

I went straight to Ben's office.

ME: If you're not prepared to meet my demands--
BEN: A British butler couldn't meet your demands.
ME: You're the one who wanted to me to act here.
BEN: I didn't realize I was hiring Veruca Salt.
ME: I hope you're talking about the band and not the bratty little girl because if it's the latter--

Knock, knock.

We both turned to see Paul standing in the doorway--

PAUL: Hi boys.

--with two cops.

ME: If this is about those taxes, half the write-offs were totally legitimate.
PAUL: We're actually here to see Ben.

Ben stood up.

BEN: What's this about?
PAUL: The department was given a tip that you were working with Bart right up until the hostage situation.
BEN: Working with him? Working on what?
PAUL: The whole thing. To get your theater attention.
BEN: That's ridiculous!
ME: Who gave you this tip?

Paul held up a letter.

PAUL: Bart.

That's when the cops arrest Ben.

And I decided it might be a good idea to find another hiding place for Joey.