To the Left, To the Left

Hi, my name is Billy.

TOM: I'm here to grab Emma's stuff.
ME: Whatever I didn't burn is in a box marked 'Satan's Whore.'
TOM: Good to see you're not bitter.

I'm going to miss Tom. He would have been a cool brother-in-law had my fiance not left me for one of my converts.

Now I just feel so alone.

My gay friends want nothing to do with me. My straight friends all pity me. And I can't go out in public without getting requests for my autograph.

Ever since that disastrous reunion on Ritchie's talk show, I decided that staying in and watching endless episodes of "Cupcake Wars" was my best option.

When Tom was done, I offered him a drink. We sat down in the living room and had a talk.

TOM: Personally, I think my sister's crazy.
ME: Thanks Tom.
TOM: Not because she left you.
ME: Thanks again.
TOM: No, I mean, you're a great guy, but you're gay.
ME: Tom--
TOM: And she left you for another gay guy.
ME: Tom, I'm not gay. I've embraced a deeper truth.
TOM: So you feel nothing at all for guys?
ME: Not a thing.

That was when he leaned over and kissed me.

I pushed him away, but...

TOM: You felt something, didn't you?

Before I could answer, he was on top of me.

And then I couldn't deny it.

I definitely felt something.