The Mayor of Providence

Hi, my name is Davis.

ME: Time to get plastered.

I'm about to get plastered.

Jeremy and I were out for the night--first stop Vivian's, a restaurant/bar that all the club patrons frequent when the night is young.

Vivian herself came over to our table.

VIVIAN: Well, if it isn't the King of Providence.
JEREMY: Please Viv, can we keep the paparazzi at bay for the night?
VIVIAN: How you boys doing?
ME: I'm not drunk yet, so I'm only halfway decent.
VIVIAN: You never used to be much of a drinker.
ME: That's because I never used to be taken.
VIVIAN: Huh?
JEREMY: He's off the market, Viv.
VIVIAN: Wow, knock me over with a twink's pinky finger. Sprite and a Rum Tum Tugger?
ME: You got it.

She went to go get our drinks, which was when I noticed all the gays huddled around the television.

ME: I didn't know American Idol was on tonight.
JEREMY: It's not.

We got up and went over to the bar to check it out.

Apparently, it was some sort of press conference. The Mayor was on television addressing a group of reporters.

ME: What's this all about?
VIVIAN: You're not going to like it, Davis.

And pretty soon, I heard why.

MAYOR BURKE: Providence has long been a city known for attracting alternative lifestyles. What I ask you is, whether or not we want that distinction? Do we want to be known for our educational pursuits? Our stellar cultural achievements? The glorious sheen has city has every time the night descends upon it? Or do we want to be known as a cesspool where the morally degenerate gather on street corners to hock drugs and hand out booze to minors? Encouraging them to engage in ungodly acts in back alleys and bathhouses?

A roar erupted from the crowd at the bar.

MAYOR BURKE: So I'm starting the new Mayor's Initiative--from this point on, I will wage a war on the people polluting this city--

I could feel Jeremy stirring beside me.

JEREMY: Why doesn't he just say the gay community, that's who he means.

But I couldn't tear my eyes away from the television.

MAYOR BURKE: --And may those who try and stop me--be warned. Thank you.

And that was it.

JEREMY: He won't be able to do anything.

As if on cue, a guy burst into the restaurant.

VOICE: Hey! They just closed Prisms!
VIVIAN: What?
VOICE: They said they caught them drug trafficking!

I looked over at Jeremy.

ME: You know what this means, right?
JEREMY: We're going to war.
ME: You bet we are.

For the first time in my life, I'm shaking.