The Big Announcement

Hi, my name is Hank.

ME: Everyone, please take your seats.

My life is about to change.

I had assembled everybody in the Fish Bowl--Jeremy, Joey, Ritichie, Carter, Billy, Nathan, Cal, Eli--even Murray.

RITCHIE: What's this all about Hank?
ME: Everyone--

I almost couldn't get it out. I had to learn forward just so the words would spill towards them--

ME: I'm gay.

They all took a minute to look at each other, and then--

CAL: That's it?
ME: What do you mean 'that's it'? I just admitted that I'm gay.
RITCHIE: That's like admitting that grass is green.
CARTER: Or that butter tastes like onions.
RITCHIE: Wait--what?

Jeremy came up and gave me a hug.

JEREMY: I'm proud of you, Hank.
ME: So you didn't know?
JEREMY: Hank, we've kissed before.
ME: But I never said I was gay!
JEREMY: Kissing kind of does away with that need.

He started to walk out.

ME: Where are you going?
BILLY: Isn't that all you wanted to say, Hank?
JOEY: Do you want to have a talkback or something?
MURRAY: I have...a meeting...Yeah, let's go with meeting.

Pretty soon they all were filing out, and I was left with just Nathan.

NATHAN: If it's any consolation, Hank, I didn't think you were gay.
ME: Really?
NATHAN: Yeah, I thought you were asexual.
ME: Great.
NATHAN: I don't get it. Aren't you happy that your friends don't care that you're gay?
ME: It's just that...now I don't have anything to hold onto.

Nathan came over and patted me on the back. Then Eli popped his head back in.

ELI: Hey, one thing--
NATHAN: You're coming out, too?
ELI: Coming out of where? Hahaha... Anyway--Hank, how many guys have you slept with?
ME: Like five.
ELI: So you think sleeping with less than five could mean you're still straight?
ME: I guess, I mean--
ELI: Thanks. That's all I was curious about.

He took off.

NATHAN: Somehow I doubt that's the only thing he's curious about.

I wanted to laugh, but just couldn't.

Now I was just another gay man...

...in a catty, catty gay world.