The Life of the Party

Hi, my name is Cal.

BILLY: I want a drama-free birthday!

What do you think the odds are of that happening?

Admittedly, I was already trashed by the time I got to Billy's apartment. I was also the last guest to arrive. But I'm no fool. Showing up to a birthday party on time is the equivalent of wearing a sombrero and peeing in the salsa.

One has to be classy.

When I got to the party, Ben and Nathan were out on the porch fighting, so I mosied around them and went to find more booze to keep the alcoholism going strong.

I also wanted aforementioned salsa.

(For some reason, being drunk makes me want to dip things.)

I found Billy and Joey in the kitchen chatting.

ME: What's with the black cloud outside?
BILLY: Ben's being a dick.
ME: So much for his reformation.
BILLY: Part of me wanted to tell Nathan not to bring him.
ME: So why didn't you?
JOEY: Because Nathan wouldn't go for it.
BILLY: Because he's in so much fucking love it hurts.
ME: Whoa, when did you become a sailor, little lad?
BILLY: When I finally met the perfect guy and he fell for the perfect asshole?

Billy took off leaving me with Joey.

Things immediately got awkward.

ME: I'm drunk.
JOEY: I'm in love with Nathan too.

Time for me to leave the kitchen.

A few minutes later, we were all back in the living room. Nathan and Ben had made up and were cuddling on the couch. Joey and his boyfriend Davis were on an armchair doing the same, although I kept noticing Joey looking over at Nathan. Hank, Ritchie, and Jeremy were over by the refreshment table. Carter was in Billy's bedroom going down on whomever happened to be in there at the time. Eli was dancing to the music in his head.

All in all, a normal college theater birthday party.

ME: I'm bored.
BILLY: I'm pissed. It's my birthday and I'm single.
RITCHIE: Wow, if you were British and fat we could call you Bridget.
ME: I have a way to cheer you up.

I went over to the light switch.

ME: When I hit these lights, everybody has to kiss somebody.
BILLY: Cal, I don't know about--
NATHAN: Easy for us, right honey?
BILLY: I'm in.

I hit the lights, and immediately felt someone grab me and push me up against the wall. After about a minute, somebody flipped the switch.

It was Jeremy.

JEREMY: Sorry, but I thought I heard Carter's voice near me and no way was I letting--

Then he saw who was kissing me.

BILLY: Um...hey.
ME: Hey.
BILLY: You were close by.
ME: That's cool. Happy birthday.

He smiled at me.

BILLY: Yeah, happy birthday.

I looked over at the rest of the guests and knew that by Monday morning this was going to be all over the fish bowl.

I'd feign frustration, but let's be honest--

It's the price you pay for being the life of the party.