The Hunt for Wilde

Hi, my name is Eli.

WILDE: Tick tock, Eli.

I f**king hated whoever this little f**king blogger was.

WILDE: Now, now. Don't be testy. It's a waste of energy, and you need to spend all your time finding me before I clean out your metaphorical closet.

Okay, it had to be somebody I knew.

WILDE: Tell you what, because I'm such a nice guy, I'm going to give you a hint...

I'd already had the night from Hell. I was out with friends getting my drizzle on when I turn a corner and hear Ben talking smack, so I lay him out.

Now it's almost 3am and I have to deal with this--

WILDE: Three's a crowd...don't you think?

Whoa...wait...three's a...

The threeway.

That means that Wilde is--

BEN: Eli's so scared I'm going to out him!

I called Ben right away.

BEN: Hello?
ME: You're a dead man.
BEN: Yeah, so?
ME: Ben, or should I call you Wilde--
BEN: What are you talking about?
ME: Where are you right now? Because you and I need to have a talk.
BEN: I'm downtown near the library.
ME: Stay there. I'm on my way.
BEN: Good. You can give me a ride.

I hung up. I was going to give him a ride all right.

He was going to go for a long, hard ride...

Um, okay that might have been the wrong sentence to use.